Sonea's Grief
by ZenDog16
Summary: Sonea dealing with her grief in the days following Akkarin's death.


_Sonea dealing with her grief in the days following Akkarin's death. This is my first time submitting fanfiction online. I wrote this because I felt like the end of The High Lord was missing a passage that addressed how Sonea might be feeling after Akkarin's death. As a reader, I was mourning him and I wanted to go through that with Sonea. Let me know what you think._

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><p><strong>Sonea's Grief<strong>

Sonea woke with a start, her breath coming out in gasps. She was covered in sweat and blood pounded in her ears. Images from her nightmare still flashed through her mind- _dead magicians lying in the rubble of Imardin… Inijaka leering at her as she was paralysed by black magic… Kariko advancing, too strong for her to hold back… Akkarin's lifeless body sprawled across the university steps. _

"No," she gasped, leaping from her bed. Would these images haunt her forever? Every time she had sought some release from her grief with sleep they had been waiting for her. Perhaps she would be haunted by nightmares of her dead love for the rest of her life, just as he had been before her. She couldn't bare the thought of such torment.

But now she was awake, her fear subsiding, she felt her grief swell up to replace it. Since his death, it was as if a great chasm had split her down the centre and inside it was nothing but emptiness and pain. She stared around wildly; Rothen's rooms suddenly felt small and stifling. She wanted release, escape from this unimaginable sorrow. She didn't want to face it anymore.

Without thinking of anything but her need to be rid of this pain, Sonea turned for the door out of Rothen's rooms. He had kept it magically locked, scared for her safety, but it flew open now at her command. She burst into the crowed corridor beyond. Magicians stared at her, shock and concern on their faces, but she didn't want their sympathy. She wanted to be free of them, to be free of everything. So she ran, pushing magicians out of her way with magic. They shouted after her, but she couldn't hear what they said for the blood pounding in her ears. Tearing through the entry to the magician's quarters, she flew out into the Guild's grounds.

It was a clear and sunny day, and the grounds were quiet. She stared around; this wasn't right. How could the world be so quiet and peaceful when she felt like she was being ripped in half? How could Akkarin leave her like this? Didn't he know how much she loved him, how much she needed him? But of course he knew, she looked down at the ring still on her finger, the ring made with his blood. He had seen it all; he had known her mind and heart better than anyone. The ache to be near him, to hold him in that moment was so acute. She had to find some part of him here at the Guild. She couldn't bare to think that he had left her entirely.

Her first thought was of the High Lords Residence, and she turned towards it, but then the memory of an autumn's day not so very different to this one came to her. A large rockshelf, a gurgling spring, and Akkarin leaning against a boulder, all haughtiness and formality forgotten as he shared his story.

_Yes_, she thought, _that is where he would be_. She turned to the forest and broke into a sprint. Now the thought had come to her, she felt foolish for not thinking of it before; of course he would be at the secret spring. He would be waiting for her, a half-smile on his face, perhaps irritated at her for leaving him waiting so long. She let magic push her forwards, ignoring the bushes and brambles that caught and snagged on her robes. Hope filled her heart; she was going to see Akkarin again.

As she burst through the trees into the clearing of the spring, she looked around, searching for his swirling black robes, straining to hear his deep voice calling her name.

"Akkarin?" she called. But she knew in her heart that it was useless. Akkarin was dead, and the spring was deserted.

She stumbled forwards and fell to her knees on the shelf of hard grey rock. The rift that had torn through her soul was large and dark, and it engulfed her entirely now. Great racking sobs filled her up and burst out of her. She wrapped her arms around her chest, trying to hold her crumbling heart together. She stayed like this for some time; unable to move or think of anything but her grief for the man she loved. Eventually it subsided, and she was left feeling empty and alone.

"Sonea?"

The voice sounded blunted and dull, as if it came to her through a thick wall.

_Leave me alone_, she thought, _let them go away._

"Sonea?" The voice called again, louder and more desperate. Then someone was by her side. An arm wrapped around her shoulders. Rothen's face appeared beside her, his expression full of alarm and worry.

"Sonea, I'm so sorry I wasn't there when you woke up," he said, "The Higher Magicians called for me, or I would never have left you."

"Rothen," she whispered, barely hearing his words, "I feel so…" But she couldn't find a word to describe this anguish and emptiness she felt.

"I know," he said, his voice full of concern and love, "I understand."

"No you don't," she said harshly, grief making her forget that it was Rothen she was talking to, who had only ever wanted to help her, "You have no idea how I feel!"

Hurt flashed across Rothen's face but she turned away from him, unable to face his kind and caring eyes. She was too overcome with sorrow to feel ashamed. He was quiet for sometime until he whispered something so softly she could hardly hear it.

"You are not the first magician to lose someone you love, Sonea."

She turned to stare at him, and at once, was filled with guilt. He had lost his wife, of course he understood.

"Rothen, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean-"

"It's alright, you are grieving. I understand," he paused then let out a small sigh, "It took me many weeks to feel like myself again after my wife died. But when I was ready, I found that there were people at the Guild waiting to help me," He paused again, watching her closely, "When you're ready Sonea, we will be here to help you too."

He turned and made to stand but now he was here, Sonea found she did not want to be alone.

"Rothen, wait," she pleaded quietly, "Don't leave me."

Rothen gave her a small smile and returned to her side. His arm around her was comforting and warm. She lent her head against his shoulder. They sat like this for some time, staring out over the ruins of their city. _But it is not so ruined,_ Sonea thought, _many buildings survived and those that didn't, we can build again. And the Guild survived. Akkarin would be happy that we saved it._

Sonea sighed. It would be some time before she could think of him and not be filled with sorrow. The ache in her heart would not leave her easily. But Sonea would be ready to face the world again soon, and if she faltered, she felt comforted to know Rothen and others would be there to help her.


End file.
